No awkward lesbian experiences without me
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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