Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
