easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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