let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
