Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
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I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
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Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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