Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I want her autograph on my taint
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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