how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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