Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
