You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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