I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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