Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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