How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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