I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize