Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The Olympian is in my bed
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
