I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
420 ftw
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he thought i was a dude.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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