Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
