you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So much rum. So many feels.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
