My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
