Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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