Hippo gnu deer
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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