my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
40s are totally the cure
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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