I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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