census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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