and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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