I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
