im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i've created a new STD.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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