I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
