If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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