i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just googled if crying burns calories
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
