Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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