I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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