I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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