in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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