Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
