Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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