I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
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An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
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I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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