My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The beer is more important than you right now.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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