We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just high enough for therapy.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
