If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
