If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just invented taco cereal.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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