I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
