Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
