sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
