Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
