i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
