Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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