thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
