I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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