Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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