he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
