Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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