remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
