i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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