why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Randomize
