i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
