Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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