I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Come see our sink grown plant.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
