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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.