the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
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It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
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How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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