hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday