he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.