bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
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talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
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told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped