Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window