Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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