come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
