So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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