A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
