This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
