I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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